Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
