My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
