a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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