I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Randomize
