If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
