I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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