if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
