Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
