I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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