I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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