five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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