last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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