So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
People in love make me want to vomit
my being single is dangerous.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
