Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
