Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
