i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
