her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Randomize
