Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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