actually, I'm a sock model
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
