Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
