you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
