Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
