Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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