Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
