talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
