whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
