I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
