just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Say something about gay babies.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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