I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
