the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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