There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
