best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
