never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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