Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
