i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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