I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
