How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
