I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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