just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
