Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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