my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
