Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My hand turned me down
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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