he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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