I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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