If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
