i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You left your phone here
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