I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
