uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
