Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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