My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
