Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
