Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
