i think my tv is drunk
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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